one of the things i love about the hands of the emperor is that both the setting and cliopher himself is batshit in very subtle ways. absolutely funniest possible pov character for these events. cliopher has such strong Just Some Guy energy that he had to mention that one time he was stuck in a thousand-year fugue state doing paperwork like three times before i realize “oh he actually literally means he’s over a thousand years old.” he’s like “oh it didn’t feel like a thousand years while we were doing it haha” and i was like “haha sounds legit” and it was only later that i was like “wait what? a THOUSAND years??” the crisis of the first part of the book is trying to take his boss on a vacation. he legitimately could get executed at any point if he does this wrong but he looks at a guy whose whole schtick is to be god on earth and is like “gosh that guy seems like he’d like a vacation” and not only was he right he also didn’t do the sane thing which would be to bury that thought six hundred feet deep and throw away the map. no. he said well if my boss seems like he’d enjoy a vacation i guess i’ll give him a vacation. he got the job that made him the most powerful man in the world by cracking a joke in front of a guy that previously wouldn’t have been able to help burning cliopher’s eyes out if they made eye contact. the relentless competence is def a big thing but the relentless normalcy is i think his real superpower. he’s like hi yes my boss would like to book a vacation bungalow for the week. yes the whole week. well he’s the god-emperor of all seven worlds so he would really like a place where he could get away from it all, you know. i mean yeah implying that he’s human enough to feel things like “work stress” is high treason and i could be killed for this but he looked kinda tired so what’s a man supposed to do but take him to the beach.
The fact that Cliopher HAD A HABIT of HUMMING a BANNED POEM when he was working happily… Incredible. The layers. He thinks he’s all subtle and mature these days but he loves Aurora so much that it’s just! Part of his regular routine! IN the ultimate no aurora allowed zone! POV you’re a trapped rogue anarchist poet & your secretary not only had the balls to tell a joke AND meet your eyes AND tell you good morning like you’re a human being BUT ALSO HUMS. YOUR #1 BANNED POEM. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOUR SALAD. AS YOU’RE WRITING POLICY TOGETHER. POV you’re a guard who knows your emperor is secretly Bard Robin Hood and the absurdly collected guy who’s been quietly restructuring the government out from underneath itself hums Greatest Hits from the Bureau of Censorship IN the oval office so like. He’s gotta know right. POV you’re a regular guard or misc palace staff and there’s a guy humming the Fuck The Emperor tune. In front of the emperor. And you’ve just gotta stand in the corner staring at the wall or pick up the dishes and leave like you’re not listening to melodic high treason.
Have a conversation with them to learn why they’re against it.
Maybe they have a convincing argument and they’ll convince you to vote no. Maybe they don’t understand it and you can provide information that will help them see its value and they’ll vote yes. Maybe they’re already informed and have just a different ideological perspective on it and you’ll go away agreeing to disagree and respect everyone’s individual views on it. Who knows? I dunno. I can’t predict it.
when gideon watches a teenager get speared by a thousand bone tentacles and she is horrified and sad, and the narrative says “gideon wanted her longsword and she wanted harrow.” and when someone asks gideon how long she’s been harrows cav and she says “it feels like forever.” and when she kisses harrows nose and says “too many words” and when and when and when
“Ninth was my name,” said the new arrival. “Ninth was my hearth, and my homeland. Here have I come at your calling. None may return from the River unless he be bidden by blood-rite; tell me, why have I been drawn here?”
Learning that the original idea for Dracula’s name was “Count Wampyre” had me all “Really?? They’re going to be acting mysterious over whether Count Wampyre is a Vampire??”
But then I remember the fully serious show about Hannibal the Cannibal
I think the funniest possible modern textual adaptation of Dracula would be Jonathan as a part time recipe blogger and you have to scroll through 10 paragraphs of the most harrowing thing you’ve ever read in your life just to get the recipe for paprika hendl
a bunch of people standing around looking frightened and talking pointedly about him and jonathan harker just sitting quietly in the carriage looking up words in the dictionary to find out they’re saying satan hell witch vampire etc like
Jon Harker, May 8 - feeling kinda sus about this place ngl. don’t know if it’s because my sleep schedule is all messed up or because the count is literally the undead. anyway here’s what happened when i was shaving this morning-
22 // Australia // she/her. “life is too short and love is too long.” I know this is called 'a whole lot of books', but I'll be honest, it’s a mess. Currently reading: The Last Graduate
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